i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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