Got a toothbrush?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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