addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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