you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
