So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
