i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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