My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
