The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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