Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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