I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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