i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
