Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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