And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
