is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
