Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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