just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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