Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
