spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize