You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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