I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
