i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
