I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am midnight drunk by noon
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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