dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
