while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
