im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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