I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
