We're facebook friends in real life
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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