i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
