My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
