shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
