i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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