Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My vagina is very pro this idea
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