anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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