He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
