It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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