Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
