your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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