Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
