Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
