You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
