I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
