ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hippo gnu deer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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