I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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