You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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