Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
