dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
