does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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