If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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