Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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