I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
