So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize