Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
