he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
