I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
