i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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