Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
