dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My vagina just recognized that song.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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