meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
