there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i now understand why vodka
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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