Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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