so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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