I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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