The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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