I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
