Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
