make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
