how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
