Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
