New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
