I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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