Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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