do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
did i walk over a car last night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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