we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
