Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
