Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
