I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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