I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
