Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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