It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
