I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
