just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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