Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
