Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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