life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize