Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
