He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
