don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
