so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
