if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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