this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
