it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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