Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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