he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
