She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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