Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
