Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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