life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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