I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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