Just cropdusted the office
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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