names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
