I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
