Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
