I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
