you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
