i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize