Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
