If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
