For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
