you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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