# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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