if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
